My Testimony

Hi everyone! I know it's been a minute but I just thought I would update you guys. Thanksgiving is coming up, and I have so much to be thankful for. One is my story on grace and mercy. My testimony: (I'll try to be short) I grew up in a single parent home, and like most girls I never had that father figure in my life to tell me that I was beautiful or that I was worth it. Don't get me wrong my dad was there, he just wasn't in the home. My mother wasn't really a girly girl so we never had talks about boys or anything of that nature. However, I was fine growing up or at least I thought. I can recall an incident where I was not picked up after my first day of school in the first grade, and that kind of stuck out when I think of my childhood. My mom worked a lot so my big brother mainly took care of us after school. I remember my world crashing after he left and went off to college... Now that I think about it he was the only father figure we had in the home so when he left my sister and I had no one there to protect us, so everything came crashing down. Financially we started to struggle and had to move back to the country to live with our grandmother. I can recall crying and begging not to move back... I was at a new school with lots of friends, so I begged my dad for us to live with him. We did for a while but that ended in him saying " I can't take care of y'all anymore." so back to the country we went.... Now I was a very shy kid and I didn't talk much or have too many friends coming up and I never understood why til now. So with being in such a small town there wasn't much to do.... It was in the 10th grade that I found out girls were already having sex. Peer pressure lead to me losing my virginity at a young age from then on it was boy after boy, and then relationship after relationship. I found myself going round and round. Now something I left out which was a good part about growing up in the country I had a wonderful grandmother that kept us in church on the front pew, she made sure that we stayed in church. I sang in the choir etc. My dad also was a minister and we would visit churches with him as well. I also remember while living in the city with my mom a bus would come and pick us up and take us to a church where we also learned about Jesus. I accepted the Lord as my saviour at a very young age. Ok so fast forward back to my story. Although I had several boyfriends I never really experienced anything bad... I kept a good job, car, and apartment. Until one day I got a new phone after breaking up with a ex. I sent a text saying this is my new number, and a guy I had met at the movies a while back text me back. To make a long story short I was in a 4 year long relationship with him after I found out I was pregnant.... There was abuse, drugs, and partying. I see now why God slowed me down. I ended up having a second child by him so I was left with not one but two babies. I had to fend for myself in the city with what was almost like having twins but I made it. While I was pregnant with my daughter my grandmother passed away, she was the backbone of my family. I got through that though with God's help, and I was making it but still being hard headed and wanting to fill the void my kids dad had now left I started back with fornication again until I ended back with the father of my kids. It was like God said enough! I can remember just humbling myself to him at a funeral of my friends that was my age. Well God heard my cry because from there I became celibate, so I honored him with my body. I stopped drinking alcohol which I also used to try and fill that void. God planted me in a house back in the country secluded from everything that could harm the vow I made to him... I experienced receiving the Holy Spirit so I no longer have to fight this battle alone. I still get tempted but in the midst Jesus is the first name I call and the devil flees. I am patiently waiting until marriage to have sex and I am proud to say that. Without God I am nothing and I thank him daily for being so mercifully. I made mistakes but I found that I was only trying to fill the void of abandonment and feelings of being unloved. A personal relationship with Jesus is so important and I hope that I inspire someone by this... it doesn't matter how many kids you have or where you are in life... You can overcome anything with Gods help. I rededicated my life when I moved back to the country and I can remember my pastor saying "Stop it!" Like he knew I was being foolish so I don't know who I'm talking to but "stop it!" No one can fill that void but Jesus. Humble yourself to him and I promise you'll be like the woman at the well in the Bible Jesus said "if you drink of the living water you will never thirst again." I no longer thirst for the things of this world and you won't either. Thanks for allowing me to share be blessed....Til next time ttyl